Emotional Struggles

The past four weeks have left us drained in every possible way—physically, mentally, and emotionally. Our family feels fractured, with each of us scattering in different directions, navigating paths that seem worlds apart.

I've been wrestling with constant apprehension, unable to escape the unease that rises up day after day. Questions bombard me: What will happen today? Who, if anyone, will return my calls? And will those calls bring the answers I so desperately need—or just more uncertainty? Each phone call feels like a gamble. Will it reveal another unforeseen problem that needs urgent attention? Will it demand actions I can’t take because I’m waiting on others whose timelines stretch endlessly beyond mine? How many times will I have to make another unnecessary call due to someone else’s oversight, adding more to an already overwhelming load? And which conversation will be the one to finally break me? The one that reduces me to tears, or worse, triggers a moment of anger because of a perceived slight or careless tone? Even in face-to-face encounters, sorrow looms, threatening to drown me with its unrelenting weight.

Emotions have become a relentless rollercoaster, surging and plummeting with dizzying unpredictability, hour after hour, day after day. Every new day ushers in its own set of highs and lows, dictated by the situations and emotional hits we face moment to moment.

Frustration, disbelief, anger, sadness, profound loss, denial, suffocating doubt, fleeting joy, and overwhelming rage—all these emotions twist and turn without warning. One moment, I feel like I’m soaring to great heights, only to be yanked violently downward, spinning into confusion. It’s as though life jerks me left, right, up, and down with no sense of direction, leaving me breathless and struggling to steady myself.

I’m trying to hold onto faith, believing everything will eventually fall into place as it should. But, Zayden, Grammie is struggling. The heaviness in my chest feels like a constant shadow I can’t escape. Doubts creep in, whispering in the quiet moments, leaving me questioning and searching for strength.